Never Go Back
by jtjaforever
Summary: Ep Filler Inferno. How did John feel after finding out Teyla and Ronon survived the Inferno?


Title: Never Go Back  
Author: jtjaforever  
Date: 3/6/06  
Pairing: J/T  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: John;Teyla;the team; Weir;Caldwell;Beckett;Zelenka  
Genre: Romance  
Word Count?  
Achieving: None, but let me know if you use.  
Warnings: Mild angst  
Spoilers: Inferno  
Disclaimers: These characters belong to the producers and writers of  
SGA. I'm only borrowing them.  
Summary: Episode filler. How did John feel after finding out Teyla &  
Ronon had survived the inferno. No Beta - straight to site. All  
reviews welcome.

"Never Go Back"

"This the Deadalus. Are there any survivors aboard?"

"Yes, sir. In fact we have a pretty big passenger list."  
John could hear the excited voices of crew members in the background  
and the sigh of relief in Caldwell's voice.

"...but, Teyla and Ronon, didn't...", his throat constricted. He  
couldn't seem to voice the words.

"We are here, Colonel Sheppard", Teyla's voice sounded over the  
com. "Thanks to Colonel Caldwell we are safe and alive."  
Rodney, Carson and John all looked at each other and smiled. John  
lower his head as if relieved of a great burden.

"Great, then we will see you in Atlantis."

When Teyla and Ronon entered Weir's office with Caldwell their eyes  
had met as they smiled at each other. He had to fight the ache is  
his gut to run, to touch her, to make sure she was real. Instead, he  
crossed the room toward them at a casual pace.

"I thought I had lost you two. You know how I feel about leaving my  
people behind. Don't let it happen again", he tried to make his  
tone light.

Ronon slapped a large hand onto his shoulder and with a huge smile  
playing across this lips. "Sheppard, you're getting almost as good  
as me when it comes to getting out of a jam."

John merely rolled his eyes. "Geez, thanks for that Ronon."

"No problem." Ronon smiled noting the looks that passed between  
John and Teyla. " I think I'll go and give Rodney a hard time now."

"Yeah, you do that" John said, his eyes never leaving Teyla's.

"Teyla"

"Colonel"

"It's good to see you." His throat was tight and he found the words  
hard to speak. He hoped the emotion he was feeling wasn't seeping  
though.

"As it is you," her reply a mere whisper.

Again they could only stare into each others eyes. There was  
something about her eyes something he had thought he had only  
glimpsed. Now it seems to overwhelm him as he looked into their  
depths. There words that each needed to say, wanted to say, but now  
was not the time or the place.

Elizabeth entered the office and called the debriefing to order.  
John sat next to Rodney, a body width away from Teyla. Even now he  
had to egg Rodney to keep his thought focused on the task at hand.  
Had he sat next to Teyla he didn't know if he could have controlled  
the urge of not touching her, looking at her though the whole  
meeting. So, he sat next to Rodney, across from Weir, and kept his  
mind focused on the present.

He watched Teyla and Ronon as they left the office. Her head turned  
briefly to give him a smile before she disappeared out the door. He  
had wanted to go to her, walk with her, but duty still called.  
There were things to do and he knew she understood.

Now he stood outside her quarters. His hands shaky, his heart  
pounding as he knocked on her door. Teyla's door opened and she  
stood in the doorway. Her warm brown eyes held his and without a  
word she merely moved away from the door for him to enter.

John entered the room, briefly noting that it was dark with the  
exception of the candles lit about the room. Teyla still stood by  
the door, her back to him, in the shadows.

"Teyla," he whispered her name as if a prayer. She turned toward  
him then, walked toward him slowly out of the shadows. Her cheeks  
were streaked with tears and his heart that was pounding so  
relentless before felt as if it was about to burst. He met her, his  
hands gently wiping away the tears. Taking her into his arms, he  
held her tight unable to stop his own tears as they fell into her  
hair.

They held each other like that for untold minutes as each let the  
warmth of the others body reassure them that they were indeed whole,  
alive and with each other. John finally pulled back and cradled her  
face in his hands, tilting her head to look into his eyes.

"I thought I had lost you," his voice choked with emotion.

"And I you," she whispered.

His hands caressed the curve of her jaw, her cheek. His eyes  
drank in every feature of her face burning them into his memory. He  
had never felt for anyone or anything the way he felt for this woman  
and he had almost lost her.

Teyla's hands came up to gently sweep across his brow at the turf of  
hair that always seem to stray there. She traced it down the side  
of his face then lightly across his lips. Then she brought her  
other hand and placed up to cup his face to lower his forehead to  
hers.

John placed his forehead next to hers and then kissed her temple.  
Pulling her closer into his embrace he lightly kissed his way down  
her face to the curve of her neck and the pulse that he felt rapidly  
beating there. His lips then traced a path back up to take her soft  
lips with his.

The kiss started out slow, almost chaste and then she open her mouth  
to him, her tongue sending him a sweet invitation and he took it.

Lips and tongues mingled and tasted each other. Hands explored  
exposed flesh and memorized the curves and planes of each others  
bodies as the heat built between them. When they finally broke away  
from each other, breathing heavily, they were smiling. John reached  
for Teyla again and kissed her again - slowly, soundly. When  
finished he brought his head back to rest against hers.

"Teyla, I want there to be more between us. You have taught me so  
much, given me so much. If you have been lost to me I don't know if  
I could have gone back to what I was before you."

"John, are you sure?"

Her words gave him hope as well as trepidation. "I've never been  
surer of anything. Do you doubt the sincerity of my words?"

He watched as she searched his face, his eyes not unlike the first  
time they met and then she smiled.

"No. It is just that I need to be sure that the seriousness of what  
could have happened has not prompted you to say things you may not  
be able to uphold."

John pushed her away from him arms length as anger and disappointed  
started to rear its ugly head. Then he realized the source of her  
doubts and he could feel himself blush with shame. He ran a hand  
through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I understand my actions of the past months have been a  
bit...rash, impulsive. But, what can I say - I'm a guy and guys can  
be jerks sometimes. He threw his hands up in frustration.

Teyla raised a well arched brow. "Really?"

"Really," he said taking her back into his arms giving her one of  
his boyish smiles. "However, this is one guy that has learned that  
there is only one woman for him and he happens to be holding her in  
his arms. I love you, Teyla. Today only made me see what I've been  
denying since the first day I met you. I love you."

"And I you, John Sheppard with all that I am. There is something of  
great value I would like to give you. Something I have saved for  
the man that could only be truly worthy of it. You are that man  
and I give it to you freely."

Teyla pulled John's mouth to hers and kissed him fully, deeply. She  
then took his right hand and placed it over her heart and did the  
same with her own. Taking his left hand she gently wrapped her  
fingers with his.

"John, I give you myself - complete, whole and pure. Before the  
Ancestors and those loved and lost I give myself freely to you."

John understood her words and the love he felt could only be matched  
by the deep respect and honor that this beautiful woman had  
bestowed upon him. Her love - her womanhood, she had placed in his  
hands and he would do all in his power to honor her just the same.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and as his eyes  
met hers he hoped they spoke to her all his heart held, but words  
were useless to express. When she smiled and gently touched his  
cheek he knew he had succeeded.

He swept her up into his arms and lay her gently on the bed, his  
body closely molding to hers. As he kissed her gently he knew that  
his life had been forever changed and he could never go back.


End file.
